How to Write a Repair Letter to Your Partner
Writing a repair letter is a chance for you to connect with your partner with honesty, vulnerability, and compassion. If you have wounded your partner in a deep way and want to communicate to your partner that your relationship is valuable and something you are ready to fight for, then I invite you to follow the guide below on how to write a repair letter to your partner. (If you have not already, check out my blog on how to effectively repair your relationship after a conflict to learn more about repair before working through this guide.)
#1—Offer emotional vulnerability: tell your partner how you feel.
What does this relationship mean to you? What do you value about this relationship?
What emotions do you experience when you think of the ways you have hurt your partner?
What have you been feeling or experiencing emotionally during this season of disconnection with your partner?
#2— Affirm your partner.
Affirm your partner for something they’ve done, what you admire about them, etc.
Tell your partner the ways they have changed your life for the better.
#3— Take responsibility for the ways you have hurt your partner.
Take some time to reflect on the ways you have contributed to the disconnection and conflict in your relationship. This section of the letter is not to be rushed. Take your time.
Take an inventory of the ways you have wronged your partner and contributed
to the disconnection in your relationship.
Admit to your partner these wrongs and apologize. Be specific and try to see the conflict from your partner’s point of view.
Be sure to avoid defending your reasons for doing these things. The point is for your partner to know that you see how you affect them, and it matters to you that you have hurt your partner.
#4— Make amends.
Tell your partner your plan moving forward. How will you take care of yourself and your
relationship so that you will not hurt your partner in this way in the future?
What changes will you make in your life to support the health of your relationship?
What are you willing to do for your partner to make things right or show that you value the relationship?
You may choose to give this letter to your partner to read or to read it aloud. Either way, showing up to your relationship with humility is one of the best ways to reaffirm your connection and restore your relationship.
