Couples Counseling | Online & in Boulder, CO
Supporting you in fostering a healthy and connected relationship.
There may be deeper, unhealed wounds preventing you from having a healthy, connected relationship.
You’ve done all the things–you’ve worked on your communication skills, read the self-help books, learned about conflict resolution–yet you still feel stuck in the same conflicts and wonder if stability in your relationship is possible.
You are living in survival mode–thrown back and forth by the instability of your relationship and unsure of how to find stable ground again. You may feel alone in your relationship and wonder if you can restore the connection and trust you once had. Perhaps you have noticed that a “wedge” has come between you and your partner, and removing that wedge feels insurmountable. You notice a lack of physical and emotional intimacy in your relationship that has surfaced in the form of conflict, communication issues, a non-existent sex-life, shame, or an affair.
You may wonder why change has not occurred.
Do you feel like these are challenges in your relationship?
You haven’t found the right communication skills to help you and your partner fight productively
One or both of you become defensive in conflict
You lack trust in your partner because they aren’t honest with you
You feel attacked, blamed, or distrusted by your partner
Yes, communication skills are an important element of any relationship, but they are not the full story. There may be deeper issues in your relationship that you are unaware of. Underlying issues such as trauma, attachment wounds, and shame often disguise themselves as poor communication, conflict, defensiveness, disconnection, contempt, or infidelity.
If you want to uncover these wounds and restore your relationship in a way that will last, then you are in the right place. I am here to help you and your partner understand yourselves better, heal these deeper wounds, and experience the life giving relationship you are longing for.
Curious about what your relationship’s healing path could look like?
Your trauma may be preventing you from having a deeply connected relationship.
If you have experienced trauma in your life, you may find yourself in the midst of emotionally intense moments with your partner. Seemingly small moments explode into crises. Arguments feel irrational and emotions seem frighteningly extreme. One of you is in the midst of a fight, flight, or freeze response and the emotional safety in your relationship feels non-existent. Your trauma has caused your conflicts to drive you apart rather than bring you closer together.
Your trauma may be disrupting your ability to trust your partner. Hypervigilance and distrust have become your brain’s survival tools of choice that sabotage your ability to experience trust and emotional intimacy in your relationship.
The good news is that a fulfilling relationship is possible despite your trauma. By uncovering your trauma, you and your partner will have an opportunity to work as a team rather than enemies. Rather than dysregulating each other, you will learn to become your partner’s safe haven. Your relationship will be one of the most healing factors in each of your lives.
Your attachment wounds may be at the core of your inability to trust your partner.
You are not just a person with “trust issues.” To say this is to minimize the deep relational wounds that have stayed with you throughout your life and have kept you from feeling safe and secure in your relationships. As a child, if you learned that your parents were not going to be there for you when you needed them, or if they created a situation in your life where you had to earn their love, you may find it difficult to trust your partner’s love for you. This skepticism can chip away at your relationship and make any form of intimacy extremely difficult.
The pain others inflicted on you in life does not have to prevent you from experiencing secure and loving relationships. I am here to help you uncover these attachment wounds so that you and your partner can begin to understand and respond to each others’ relational needs. In doing so, you and your partner will heal those attachment wounds. You will experience your partner as someone who deeply cares for you. It will become easier to assume the best of your partner.
The shame in your relationship may be driving you and your partner apart.
Shame may be preventing you from showing up authentically and vulnerably in your relationship. Repairing with your partner may feel nearly impossible because exposing your guilt feels unsafe. Shame isolates, paralyzes, and discourages us. It drives us into hiding, and, when left to fester, can lead to criticism, addiction, and infidelity.
Shame does not heal in isolation. You need to experience the empathy of others to heal your shame. Shame may have driven you and your partner apart, but your partner has the opportunity to provide a safe home for your pain and disappointment. By uncovering your shame, you will offer your relationship the opportunity to heal the very shame that was sabotaging your connection.
How do you regain the connection you once had?
You uncover the deeper issues impacting your relationship and heal your relationship at the root. What prevents you from healing these deeper issues? A lack of emotional safety and presence in your relationship. When we feel like we are in survival mode–watching for any indication that our partner will attack or abandon us–it is difficult to expose the most vulnerable parts of our stories for healing.
I work with you and your partner to develop a sense of emotional safety in your relationship. Together, you will learn how to truly see and feel with your partner. We will uncover your relational needs and discover ways for you and your partner to respond to each other’s emotional needs while remaining rooted in your own sense of self. I will support you in repairing the relational wounds in your relationship as you move from distrust and disconnection to deepened intimacy.
You will develop healthy habits in your relationship as you learn to
turn toward your partner
release defensiveness, resentment, and criticism and replace these behaviors with curiosity and compassion
navigate conflict in a way that brings you closer together
be an emotionally safe person in your partner’s life
You will have a deeply connected and thriving relationship because you have healed these wounds together.
Your relationship is not past repair. This difficult and painful season for you and your partner will become a gateway for a deeply intimate, connected, and resilient relationship.
Your relationship will become a place of safety and comfort–a safe haven– for you and your partner. You will live with a deep sense of being loved and cherished by your partner. You will feel seen, heard and known by your partner. Rather than being an energy drain in your life, your relationship will become something that offers you the security and freedom to pursue the best version of yourself. You will no longer spend your time and energy on managing a constant stream of issues, but instead, will be able to focus on enriching your relationship, making space for fun, building on your dreams, and knowing that your partner is there to support you each step of the way.
If you want to experience lasting healing that draws you and your partner into a deeply connected relationship, let’s talk. Let’s have a conversation and begin creating lasting change in your relationship.
Find out how you and your partner can restore your relationship.
What if my partner doesn’t want to go to couples counseling?
Your courage to engage your relationship with vulnerability and compassion is one of the greatest gifts you can offer your partner.
Let’s Talk!
Book a free 15 minute phone call with me.