7 Self-Care Tips For HSPs
As an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) you may find that you are notorious for neglecting your own needs for self-care. You may internalize the pain of others around you and expect yourself to carry the burden without rest and rejuvenation. As a child, you might have been called “overly sensitive” and learned to appear strong as an adult in exchange for your own need for care. Below, I will share several ways you can care for yourself as an HSP.
Our caregivers shape the way we care for ourselves as adults.
HSPs, as babies, naturally have higher levels of cortisol, a stress hormone, in their bodies. They are more easily distressed by new experiences and have long term arousal. These levels of stress can be easily managed by a responsive caregiver who understands your needs for rest and attentiveness. If you grew up with caregivers who were attentive and responsive to your needs as a sensitive child, you learned how to harness the beautiful aspects of being highly sensitive and care for yourself in a way that respects your limitations. You know when to push yourself and when to rest.
If your caregiver did not create an adequate holding environment for you–if they didn’t sense how much stimulation was too much and help you not get overstimulated, you might have learned to spend much of your energy trying to keep yourself from being intruded upon by the outside world. You learned that the world is not a safe, inviting place.
The ways that your caregivers took care of you as a small child shape the way you take care of yourself now. Their attitude toward your sensitivity shapes your attitude toward your sensitive self. You may have internalized the message that you cannot handle the real world well and either spent your years overprotecting yourself or trying to prove that message wrong by overworking yourself. As a result, this may have delayed your ability to develop your sense of self. When you think about messages you heard about yourself as a baby, what comes to mind?
Fussy? Difficult to feed? Colicky? Always crying?
How have these messages shaped the way you view yourself and your sensitivity now?
2 Ways HSPs don’t care for themselves:
There are 2 ways that HSPs tend to not care for themselves:
They overprotect themselves and miss out on doing things they want to do.
These types of HSPs were taught messages as a child that their sensitivity can’t withstand the real world and that they need to lead more quiet, isolated lives. These types tend to stay at home and not get out much. The problem with this is that the more you avoid stimulation, the more easily you will become overstimulated.
They do too much and neglect their need for rest.
These types of HSPs sense that they are overworking themselves or have too much on their plate, but they don’t know how to stop. At its core is a lack of love and respect for the self. Overworking yourself is a form of neglect and abuse. Under this amount of pressure, the body begins to rebel with insomnia, panic attacks, fatigue, headaches, and chronic pain.
Self-care Tips for HSPs
Here are some ways you can care for yourself as an HSP:
Plan to rest
Schedule out regular vacations that give you the opportunity to sleep as much as your body needs to. Go on a yearly retreat to rest and reset. Commit to spending 8 hrs a night in bed with your eyes closed–even if you aren’t actually asleep. Respect your natural rhythms and go to bed when you first start feeling sleepy.
While sleep is crucial for taking care of ourselves, rest isn’t limited to sleep either. Rest could look like doing something relaxing that you enjoy: gardening, listening to music, going on hikes, reading a favorite book. Do things that are not goal-oriented, but simply enjoyable.
Give yourself the option to bail
This is a very unpopular form of self-care, but necessary for many HSPs that can get easily overwhelmed, worn out, or overstimulated. Bailing can look like not staying for the full length of a gathering or giving yourself the option to cut a vacation short if you need to.
Some ways that you can do this well are:
When you plan a vacation and book your flight, make sure that you select a flight that gives you the option to change your itinerary last minute in case you need to come home early. If that option isn’t available, know the financial implications of coming home early and prepare for those.
If you are getting together with friends or family, let them know ahead of time that you might not be able to stay the whole time. This helps both of you be mentally prepared if you do choose to leave early.
Create space for transcendent experiences
Meditation, prayer, and contemplation are all excellent ways to get out of the ordinary state of mind and transcend to a deeper space. As HSP’s we need extra time and space to process things more deeply and make meaning of situations. Create regular time and space for this kind of mental and spiritual renewal.
Build up your psychological toolbox
It is helpful to find out ahead of time what tools help you when you feel over aroused so that you can use them when you are in a vulnerable state.
Some helpful tools involve reframing a situation and observing yourself in the situation. Reframing could look like noticing things in the situation that are friendly and familiar and moving your attention away from the catastrophizing thoughts. Observing yourself involves narrating what you notice happening inside of you as if you were observing a person that you love. For example, “Stacy feels anxious right now, but she just experienced a big transition. Transitions are hard for her but she is incredibly resilient. She has moved through situations like this before and I know she will move through this one well. I can already see her using her reframing and deep breathing tools. She is going to be okay, I am confident of that.” Inviting that loving voice into the situation can be a game changer in stressful times.
Use music to change your mood
HSPs are highly affected by music. Choose music that can distract you or help shift your emotional state. Be aware that this is an incredibly powerful tool, so if you are feeling depressed, listening to music that draws you deeper into that depression is probably not the wisest choice.
Figure out what physical strategies help you when you are over aroused
Our minds often follow our bodies. Find ways to physiologically soothe your body so that your mind can be soothed as well. For some, this might look like drinking water, using essential oils, laying on an acupressure mat, going for a walk outside or simply shifting your body posture. It is incredible how powerful a soft smile and a shift of your posture into a more confident, relaxed position can ground you and your emotional state.
Put down the devices
Social media, texts, emails, app alerts bombard us throughout the day. This is a form of stimulation. Have you found that you often see a text from a friend but don’t get around to responding to that text? You don’t know why other than it takes too much energy. Exactly. That is a sign that you are probably feeling overstimulated.
Create some boundaries around your device usage throughout the day. Are there certain times of day when you feel comfortable using your phone? Are there ways you can limit your screen time? Talk to your friends and let them know that you might be slower at getting back to their texts and explain to them that you are working on caring for your needs.
The sensitive part of you is a powerful and beautiful part of what makes you, you. It deserves to be listened to and nurtured rather than overworked or hidden away. Take some time to reflect on the ways you do or don’t care for yourself.
What messages did you internalize as a child that affect the ways you care for yourself today?
Source:
Aron, E. (2020). The highly sensitive person: how to thrive when the world overwhelms you. 25th anniversary edition. New York, NY, Citadel Press/Kensington Publishing Corp.
